IMG_20180810_205444 - Yuuup I should be happy and deeply truly madly in love with my daughter's mum but at this point it was the total opposite of love

            The worst part of not having a sex life is the pathway/process of getting to the point where you realise that you do not need to be having a sex life to live a normal, happy, fulfilling life!

Once you reach that point, not getting sex sure still feels wierd as a mature adult surrounded by people who are in full blown romantic erotic intimate rewarding relationships wanting you to be social with them and knowing that for your own personal reasons you find everything about sex and intimacy really awkward and probably have been burnt before. The sexual desires are there, but knowing they are unlikely to ever be realised becomes unimportant.

The despair/bitterness/etc. of thinking everyone else gets to have great sex and fabulous intimate partners and you don't starts to go away. Eventually you get over it and if you get sex that's nice but if you don't that's nice too. It's as though you and the world you live in are permanently sexually disconnected.

That's where I am, even though I feel not having a magical partner limits the sort of values I can demonstrate to my daughter so she has a good well-grounded approach around relationship ethics when she eventually goes down the rabbit hole associated with puberty, self-sexual discovery, etc.

Taken on: August 10, 2018

Tags:

anxiety

depression

loss

relationship

breakdown

erosion

failure

irrepairable

unworkable

wrecked

destroyed

broken

cracked

torn

apart

ruined

damaged

goods

love

lost

reduced

erased

trust

loss-of-trust

lack-of-trust

unsupportive

disrespectful

sadness

grief

self-worth

self-confidence

self-esteem

all

gone

dumped

trashed

tearful

sexless

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Camera: alps R8, f/1.8, 1/17 sec, 3.5mm, ISO 628 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	alps R8
Aperture:	f/1.8
Exposure Time:	0.059 sec (1/17)
Focal Length:	3.5mm
ISO:	628
Exposure Bias:	0 EV
Flash:	Fired
Exposure Program:	Not Defined
Exposure Mode:	Auto
Metering Mode:	Center-weighted average
White Balance:	Auto
Light Source:	Other
Color Space:	sRGB
Software:	MediaTek Camera Application
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