PHOTOGRAPHY QUESTION 1ST: I have a nikon d3500. I am new to using manual settings, honestly, I always shoot in auto. So I tried to use someone's recommendation of using a low ISO (I set it to 100, or so I thought). Whatever I did, I was able to take this photo and the one before .. in manual. *because in automatic it kept saying "subject too dark", of coarse*. HOWEVER, I thought I set the ISO to 100, but when I uploaded my photo to Flickr it says that my ISO in my last photo was over 20,000!!
You can understand my confusion here!! ( I believe it said that on the camera too... but I kept changing it to 100, I thought.. and it kept going back- or perhaps I was changing it wrong).
>>Anyway, I do like the way my photos came out.. but of coarse they were grainy and had a lot of noise. I tried to edit it out on photoshop a little.. but I wasn't 100% happy with it. So I guess I'm asking for NIGHT PHOTOGRAPHY TIPS & HOW TO CHANGE THE ISO AND OTHER SETTINGS ON A NIKON... ON (MANUAL OR M) MODE.
>>You can comment with tips and info, or Flickr mail me.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE. I want you to all know that I truly appreciate your friendships... your prayers.
You all are such a great community of photographers !! *Flickr is my saving grace**, you all are! I have personally made a bond with each and every one of you, to some level. & I cherish those friendships in ways that you may never know!
Thank you all for your friendships. Your words. Your cares. I read all of your comments and mail.. even if I don't directly reply. & Those comments and messages truly make my heart SMILE ❤❤
_______________________________________________________________________
(((BELOW IS A LOT OF WRITING ABOUT ADDICTION & TIPS FOR HAVING A SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE.. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT.. NO PROBLEM.. BUT I'M WARNING YOU.. IT'S A LOT OF WRITING. I AM TRYING TO MAKE IT SHORT.. BUT I REALLY GET INTO IT.. SO IT'S A LOT! NO PROBEM IF YOU DON'T READ IT.. I ACTUALLY AM WARNING YOU AHEAD THAT IF IT DOESN'T APPLY OR YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED.. JUST SKIP RIGHT OVER IT. HOWEVER, IF IT APPLIES, PLEASE READ. AND IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO IS IN ACTIVE ADDICTION OR RECOVERY, IT'S A GOOD READ FOR THEM. SO PLEASE SHARE THE LINK WITH THEM)))
Intimidating Solitude
...Addiction. Is intimidating solitude. 1000%.
& I want to say that although recovery is BEAUTIFUL & A BLESSING FROM GOD... >>Recovery can feel like "Intimidating Solitude" as well.. If you do not have the right support system in place! *If you feel this way, you are not alone !!- Believe me!
Many people new into recovery.. and even many years into recovery have felt this way. Sometimes forgetting how absolutely isolated addiction is.. and only fantasizing about the numbing effects the drugs had.. To make the bad emotions you're feeling disappear.
First Let me just say that FEELING EMOTIONS (GOOD AND YES BAD TOO!) ARE SO AMAZING & IMPORTANT!
When you're just getting into recovery..The feelings that come rolling into your soul are intense and almost unbearable! ((Especially, considering the fact that you've been numbing yourself from ANY & ALL EMOTIONS for however long you were using))!
>>But feeling emotions is part of life. & HUGE. & A BLESSING. & SO IMPORTANT!
((((****NOTE:: I'm trying to make this as short as possible.. *I'm not good at that, when I write.. So please bare with me! *But whoever needs to hear this, will probably take the time to read the entire thing.. & I hope it helps you in some way. ***)))))
Anyhoo... Feelings are a blessing. *YES, THE BAD*. & I for one, know about the bad feelings.. I recently after many years .. have FINALLY forgiven myself for the loss of my children. For all of my horrible wrong-doings.. For my absolute disregard for everyone's words, cares and feelings.. because I was so addicted to the drugs.. and the person (my ex).. that nothing else mattered. (And even if IT DID MATTER , A LOT, if I didn't have the drug.. the most important things in my life- ALL had to be put on hold UNTIL I was able to get that drug and not be sick. So yeah, everyone and everything came second..Yes.
So forgiveness for myself.. Was the one thing I thought I'd never be able to do. And although it still hurts.. & I cry myself to sleep some nights still.. I have forgiven myself.. Enough to be able to stop beating myself up emotionally.. and begin to LOVE MYSELF AGAIN 100%. Because, although I made horrible mistakes.. that caused so much pain (especially for myself).. I am a good person, I am doing the right things now & I deserve to be happy and love myself. So although it didn't come easy I have forgiven myself.. finally. & I am so grateful.
>>>>So back to what I was saying.. yes, the bad feelings hurt. So bad!
But those bad feelings are what are going to make you CHANGE & GROW & LEARN!!
So without the pain.. there would be no positives. & You wouldn't be able to appreciate the little things... that are going to come - in time- & appreciate life.
___
So during addiction you feel so alone.. but you don't feel all of the pain - very much. You may think you do, but you have no idea..
Because when you get sober.. You will FEEL THE PAIN TO THE CORE. & It HURTS .. SO HORRIBLY.
But now it is time to ... figure out why you were numbing yourself, remind yourself of the bad times - so you don't ever go back...FORGIVE YOURSELF.. Heal.. LEARN.. GROW.. & move FORWARD!!!
_______________________
..... BUT THEN COMES SOBRIETY & SOLITUDE.
If you do not have a good support system in place... YOU NEED TO FIND ONE RIGHT NOW..
This could be; sober friends, counselors, church friends/ pastors, Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous, co-workers... but you NEED A SUPPORT NETWORK... right away.
I really cannot stress this enough.. how IMPORTANT a GOOD SUPPORT NETWORK IS!!
>>When I was in programs the people in charge & the counselors who were there to help me .. just KEPT STRESSING THAT to me. & I really thought that they were a little over the top with it.
Like, while I was there I really didn't understand why I couldn't just go back to the same enabling friends& family, using acquaintances (and show them how great I'm doing sober, ya know.. just swing by..) old neighborhood, etc.
& Why NA, AA, CHURCH was SOO IMPORTANT.
& NOW I DO.
* *First of all... These people are put in place for you to have friendships.. Real bonds (that in addiction you could NEVER experience).
**Secondly, these people KNOW YOU , so if & when they see you acting out of sorts, they're going to ask you why.. and let you know that they're concerned - because you're NOT acting right.
(Pre-Relapse)
**Once you're In recovery you need to KEEP BUSY & have people to talk to about your feelings.. & you may even need to see a psych or counselor (that's up to you but highly recommended). I signed up for a counselor to keep me in check and so I can explain my feelings.. my life.. my worries. etc. & These people will also know other people and places to link you up with, to not only keep busy, but be able to express all of those crazy emotions that come rolling in.. Be open.. and 100% transparent with everything (no judgments). This is so important. Because holding these thoughts and feelings in.. are the most toxic thing you can do.. and will MOST CERTAINLY lead to relapse.
** IF YOU DON'T HAVE PEOPLE TO TALK TO.. HANG OUT WITH.. AND SHARE YOUR FEARS/WORRIES/PAIN.. & Someone who's BEEN THERE & UNDERSTANDS... = YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY BACK TO WHERE YOU JUST CAME FROM.. and.. I want to warn you now, every relapse is more painful than the last. You fall right back to where you were RIGHT AWAY (if not worse), as soon as you pick back up.
>Not to mention THE GUILT! -because after you experience sobriety.. every time you use - you feel it in your heart.. it'll never be like (before).
_______________
_________
____
_
____
_________
_______________
ONE LAST THING...
>>>Your mind__ YOUR ADDICTION is INSIDE OF YOU , ALWAYS. LIKE A WILD ANIMAL READY TO TAKE OVER AND EAT YOU ALIVE.
YOU HAVE TO KEEP THAT ANIMAL CAGED. & CALM.
*THIS IS RECOVERY*<<<<
YOUR ADDICTION IS GOING TO TRY TO TRICK YOU.
IT IS GOING TO TRY TO BRING YOU BACK.
IT IS GOING TO TELL YOU THINGS, LIKE:
-1) YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS LIFE. *self sabotage*
-2)THE DRUG HELPED YOU. IT MADE YOU LOSE WEIGHT, CLEAN THE HOUSE, WORK SO MUCH HARDER & BETTER & EVERYONE LOVED YOU WHEN YOU WERE USING & NOBODY KNEW.
lies lies lies! this is your addiction in your mind, lying to you.. deceiving you.. trying to suck you back in!! * don't do it!
-3)YOU ALREADY RUINED YOUR LIFE. RECOVERY IS HARD. NO ONE LIKES YOU ANYWAY, YOU'RE THE BLACK SHEEP. YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO BACK. NUMB THE PAIN.
Again, your addiction is lying to you. You can come out of this. IF YOU ARE SOBER ONE DAY, AND ALIVE..you can DO THIS! - You are LOVED! Stop being blinded by your lying addiction. Just because you messed up in the past, doesn't mean your friends and family don't love you.. they've missed you.. and they're so grateful to have you back!
-4) ((THE WORST ONE))
WHEN YOU'RE IN THE ROOM, WITH YOUR FAMILY /FRIENDS OR AT WORK.. YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU, JUDGING YOU, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE.. THEY ALL HATE YOU. WHA'TS THE POINT?
- This is your addiction lying to you again. This also could be part of a mental illness (don't be ashamed, MANY people have them.. & most addicts are self medicating because of these disorders.. *which can be easily diagnosed and medicated!*
((Programs will treat this as "Co-Occurring", I believe.. Addiction & Mental Illness")
..None of this is anything to be ashamed of. But you need to KNOW and remind yourself.. that this ISN'T TRUE
(Truth: This happens to me sometimes...At work. & I'm very grateful to have a fantastic & loving crew at my job.. who KNOW about this & understand ((PART OF MY NETWORK)) - and When I'm feeling this way.. I will tell them how I'm feeling. *I have to, If I don't want it to effect me any worse*. & They'll comfort me and reassure me that it's in my head & everyone is just stressed & they're not annoyed with me.
----------------------------
~~What this LONG POST was trying to explain to recovering addicts.. or those who have had a relapse.. is that.. ALTHOUGH YOU FEEL SO ALONE, YOU ARE NOT!!!!
There are MANY of us out there who you can talk to about this.. hook up with.. and start building your network. Because WE CARE! & we know EXACTLY 1000% HOW YOU'RE FEELING! We will welcome you with open arms & a hug.
Please don't feel alone.
Ever.
Because you're NOT.
My Flickr Mail Box is ALWAYS OPEN!
* & Anything you wish to discuss is 1000% between us.
Hope everyone is having a blessed day.
Thanks again for all of your comments, prayers & nice words. I appreciate you all so much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OH MY, I cannot believe I wrote that much... apologies!!!!
