[50/100x] Half-Way Thru!! & TTT!! - a photo on Flickriver

HAPPY Totally Textured Tuesday!
& Also this is my halfway point for my 100x... Photo # 50! Yay!

My X = My 100 Favorite Places to take photos in Southern New Jersey, USA!

LOCATION: Hardings Lakes, Mays Landing, New Jersey, USA (Atlantic County)
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This photo was taken using my macro lens attachment. I have a product photo session coming up this week, I can't wait (I WILL post photos!) & I was practicing textures with glitter for the shoot. I was just playing around seeing how they looked & I came up with this.. & it worked.
Hope you all like it!
Yes, again.. it's a glitter texture. :)
I'm going to be making glitter textures (I make all of my own) If you all are ever interested and would like to have one, just message me privately and tell me.. I can send you some previews of what I have & send them to you. No problem. :)

Anyway.. I am having really bad anxiety. I have been having it ALL WEEK. We have a trip to the DVM (Department of Motor Vehicle)... and that place gives me the worst anxiety.. Like, seriously. I don't know what the experience is like in other areas.. but it can be VERY STRESSFUL here. They make you bring a million different types of proof of who you are.. and then it's NOT enough and you gotta come back another day. Listen. I had to set up an appointment (weeks ago).. & if they make me come back I'm going to have a meltdown.
So, in order to hopefully prevent that from happening I'm bringing EVERYTHING. I'm bringing SO MUCH stuff that they're going to be like, ' Okay we get it, it's you.. now get that stuff out of here !'
Seriously, I have so much. But the DMV freaks me out, overwhelms me (because of past experiences).. So I'm trying to avoid that from happening at all costs... and I'm still super anxious. Cross your fingers for me please, that all goes well.. I'll update this later & tell ya'll how it went! Thanks again.
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In OTHER news, I've been very stressed out. This is my blog/journal as well as my photo platform site.. and I feel that I can talk to you all.. & I am grateful for each and every one of you! (Thank you for always listening and being so amazing, you guys have no idea how much you all mean to me!)
Anyway, about the stress..
I cannot actually elaborate TOO MUCH because of what it involves BUT if you want to message me privately and ask, I can get into it further..

But something has been going on.. And I've been reaching out trying to address it but the people (that need to listen to me about this) are NOT listening. And they're going to regret it. AND this is NOT talking about what it sounds like at all.. After I typed it, I realized what it could sound like.. It's not suicide !! (I re-read it and it kind of sounded like that lol, I promise it's not!!) But it's a VERY big life altering decision.. that is about to take place.
This situation has been a long time coming.. but I really cannot do it anymore. What's been happening and what I've been forced to go thru isn't worth it to me or my physical/mental/emotional health. I shouldn't have to feel like this. it's not fair. And those who have actually listened are very surprised that I've lasted this long in this situation.
It's for the best. I'm scared of coarse because it's a huge change for me.. And nothing is set in stone yet.. but a big change in my life is coming soon. I'm just not sure where the wind is going to blow me yet. . But if & when the big change happens.. I will be writing about it of coarse, because I use this as my blog as well as my photo /
& main social media account .
So as soon as anything happens, I'll tell you guys!

But basically, I've been doing a LOT of praying and personal inventory. I've been thinking about my wrongs and my rights.. and the good and the bad. And I've decided that for my future well being.. something needs to change. Juan agrees. He's totally behind me 100% (of coarse, because he's always had my best interest at heart). He sees what is happening to me.. and if he could - he would have yanked me out of the situation A LONG TIME AGO. I love that man so much. I'm so grateful for him.
His support, friendship and his heart.. He has such a big heart. That's a wonderful blessing to me, because I do too. And it's a real heart (not always looking out for himself- and how do get ahead at other's expense - like most people). He's the most unselfish person.. And it's a beautiful thing... Because when it comes down to it.. Many people out there who say they're all of these great things, they're NOT! That should be a warning.. For those who go around saying how "real" and "true" they are.. Run away. They're not. lol I'm learning this - still, sadly. (I'm still shocked at how naive I can be when it comes to people, but I'm learning.)
I am finding that my heart is way too big. And I've been praying about it a lot. I'm never going to shut out my heart. What would Jesus do? He would continue to love & spread love... and show love. And be persecuted .. and still go on - doing right & spreading love.

I've been learning other lessons recently as well..
Like, to be careful. MY KINDNESS IS NOT A WEAKNESS!! & When I'm kind and see someone possibly taking advantage.. I'm going to step back with my charitable love & support.. and see the reaction. When it's negative I'm done. Sorry. Because if I'm helping out of the kindness of my heart, that's something I'm doing out of love. But when I'm feeling like maybe I'm being taken advantage of, I'm going to see if this is the reality. And when it is.. I'm sorry but I cannot help anymore.

Life has been showing me all of these lessons lately.. Some are harder than others.. But to be honest, it's been pretty stressful. I'm doing a lot of praying and learning many things. And I'm grateful for these experiences, even when they're bad.. Because I still have so much to learn.. & God is helping me to learn them- in ways that I can handle and understand.. & learn from. So for all of that, I am grateful.

I pray for certain things.. And he delivers. That's for sure. I'm grateful for my life.. It's no where near perfect, but it's MINE & I'm glad I am who I am. I'm glad I've went thru what I have.. because all of the pain and the struggles.. they made me who I am today. The hurt - the pain that was so unbearable , was the hurt that helped me to change. So for that too, I am grateful.

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I hope you all have a fantastic week! Happy Tuesday!
I will return comments when I can..
Once again, cross your fingers for me today... I'm nervous.. Here I GO!!

I'll update later & tell ya'll how it went!
EDIT: Everything WENT WELL. I'm so glad.. and surprised! It almost didn't, because I had the wrong document, I accidentally brought the COPY of the birth certificate.. HOWEVER because of all of the OTHER stuff I brought, ((Thank GOD)) it worked out. And everything worked well with my dad so I'm so grateful! A lot of stress at first, but it went smoother than I thought it would.. Just thought I'd update ya'll and let you know... Everything went GOOD & worked out. So grateful!

I had to add this... an amazing quote that touched my heart, from a dear friend..
"“The kindest people are not born that way, they are made. They are the souls that have experienced so much at the hands of life, they are the ones who have dug themselves out of the dark, who have fought to turn every loss into a lesson. The kindest people do not just exist, they choose to soften where circumstance has tried to harden them. They choose to believe in goodness because they have seen firsthand why tenderness is so important in this world”. - a quote to help me at this time.. from Eric Thomas
ericthomas19561

Taken on: May 4, 2021

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Camera: Nikon D3500, f/5.6, 1/500 sec, 55mm (=82mm), ISO 1100 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Nikon D3500
Lens:	18.0-55.0 mm f/3.5-5.6
Aperture:	f/5.6
Exposure Time:	0.002 sec (1/500)
Focal Length:	55mm (35mm equivalent: 82mm)
ISO:	1100
Exposure Bias:	0 EV
Flash:	Off, Did not fire
Exposure Program:	Not Defined
Exposure Mode:	Auto
Metering Mode:	Multi-segment
White Balance:	Auto
Gain Control:	High gain up
Color Space:	sRGB
Software:	Adobe Photoshop 21.2 (Windows)
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