The sword and the view: The National Wallace Monument in Stirling, Scotland.

            The sword and the view: The National Wallace Monument in Stirling, Scotland.
As we drove into Stirling on the morning of 12 October, all eyes focused on the tower to our right as it by design, stood taller than any other structure around. A quick google search (how did we ever travel without Google and GPS???) revealed that it was The National Wallace Monument. Anything to do with my man William had to be visited.

We grabbed lunch at a pub just below Stirling Castle, where I enjoyed haggis on a hamburger for the first time. I liked it, in spite of what it is. After lunch we drove up to Stirling Castle where we quickly decided that we were already a bit tired of castles so we did not enter. As we walked around the grounds, we approached a very impressive statue of a man in armor. It was funny how when realized that it was of Robert the Bruce, all four had the same reaction…we don’t like him very much! For me, my interest in Stirling Castle was greatly diminished by my desire to explore The National Wallace Monument. 

Arriving at the monument we were informed that there were 246 steps to the top. A quick math guestimate had me looking up at about a 12-story building. My man-mind that always assumes that I am still 18 said no problem…Jo and I quickly realized it was a problem! First…it was a stone spiral staircase built in the 1860’s…for smaller people with smaller feet. It certainly wasn’t designed for hiking boots! Keeping in mind that a spiral stair is built like a wedge. At the center of the spiral post the step was 3-4 inches wide, 8-9 inches at the outside wall. There were slight variations as 160+ years of traffic showed. The stairwell was probably 3-3.5 feet wide…not a problem until you realize that there is two-way traffic on the stairs!!

Jo and I were only on about step 20 when we came face to face with another couple…we were going up, they were coming down…I was already feeling a bit claustrophobic. They had been in this situation before and said they knew what to do so they pressed their backsides to the outside wall while balancing with their arms extended to the inner spiral. Joann and I ducked down and climbed up using the smaller inner spiral steps, rubbing against the inner wall and them just a bit. Once the twister like pass was completed, I looked at Joann and exclaimed…” Well, that was bull shit!” 

We reached the first of three (I believe) upper levels. If I remember correctly, we watched a short film while resting before we went on to the second level. Having no idea of how many other visitors might be in the tower, I had to devise a way of ensuring that we would not have to pass others on the stairs again. I decided that announcing that we were coming up followed by some forced coughing would keep anyone thinking of coming down in place until we arrived on the next level. It worked like a charm! I don’t like taking advantage of covid fear, but I guess I am not above it either! We made it to the second level where we spent 20 minutes or so looking at displays and sucking air. The burning in our thighs was also noted and discussed.

We made it to the top without passing anyone else…the coughing was working perfectly! However, it wasn’t the best of plans to be out of breath while being instantly exposed to 360 degrees of breathtaking views. The placement of the monument was chosen as it is believed to be the place where William Wallace watched the gathering of Longshanks (Edward I) army’s just before he attacked in the 1297 Battle of Stirling Bridge. The vantage point was easily understood even without the tower. Dozens of photographs were taken as we just stood together in 40+ mile per hour winds, holding on to my hat while taking in the beauty and history of the Scottish Highlands. Then as only a long-married couple can do, we looked into each other’s eyes with a semi-panicked expression as in the same milli-second we both realized that we still had to go back down!

As we stood and stared down the staircase, trying to listen for anyone coming up the 246 steps it was decided we would go down as fast as possible…coughing…trying to eliminate traffic jams. Our gravity assisted decent was 200x easier as it felt like we were “falling with style” a term I haven’t used since being a drunken sailor back in the 1980’s. The only problem with going so fast, and neither of us saw this coming…was dizziness! As we arrived on the second level, both my bride and I were holding on the stone walls for balance…and laughing at ourselves aloud.
It was at the doorway into the second level, and only one third of the way down that I came face to face, inches apart from another tourist. A man probably just a bit younger than I, but apparently not nearly as fit (not that I am!) as his face was blood red and he was covered in sweat. My first thought was that this chap was having a heart attack. Joann’s auto-assessment differed as she concluded that he had the flu. Either way, I have no doubt that I inhaled his exhale due to our near crash experience. Joann was probably right as within 48 hours I would have the flu…coughing hard for real…damn karma!

A few minutes later, as the dizziness subsided, we decided to skip the first level and make a mad coughing dash for the ground floor. I am truly amazed that neither of us fell on the decent as the treachery of each step itself required our full and undivided attention. Locking your eyes on your feet while running in tight circles in a tight passageway…by the time we reached the ground floor, we were both nauseated and twice as dizzy! Not to be ignored, our thigh and calf muscles made themselves known as well!

As we recovered in the gift shop (there is always a gift shop) the question of was it worth it was offered up for discussion. My answer was an immediate yes... to see and stand next to his sword was a thrill I will not soon forget, and the view was worth every step!

Side note: Maybe it is a man thing…but I do like the fact that The Wallace Monument stands taller than Sterling Castle, the home of Robert the Bruce once he was crowned king.

Taken on: October 12, 2022

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