this is my Viking and Huns faction in medieval LEGO
Episode X (Ten) of the Café Frequenters:
(letter written: 2008 the first of May)
Hello Girlfriend, Here I am drinking my Morning coffee and I am Free from my Hotel-Cleaning crap work today... so since I have some spare time I though I will tell you a saga, an epic Saga that I drunk man told me on the pub yesterday... fasten your seatbelt, here it comes:
Once of on some times, there was a very attractive Manish-boy, He was not only good to the looks but he also possessed a Mighty Coat of the East German military kind, he was so blessed in many ways...
This Boy-man climbed the highest mountain in the kingdom just for fun... when he reached to top he got bored staring at mountain goats gracing on snowflakes, so He took a cab downstairs to a place of sulfur and flames most often called Hell by most common mortals...
There he encountered a mighty Daemon known by the same common mortals as Satan the Devil he also has many other name, but this is the name you´ll find in the phonebook...
There this Satan-fellow stood around enjoying himself in the Hell-fire while he picked different kinds of boogies from his reddish nose with his redhot pitchfork, he thought he was the mightiest and best looking guy in all of hell..
...and the boogies was really great, different sizes and they came fried too as well...
He had all this and he felt so happy to have all this, he was so blessed and he could torture sad souls for eternity that made him so happy,it made his burning soul jump around with joy, he loved his work....
Them the Boyish Man arrived by cab, he saw his coat, he thought, I want that Mighty coat!
Imagine standing picking his nose with an East German Mighty coat on...
So Satan the Devil came up with a cunnilingusly cunning plant...
He walked over to the Boy-man and pulled out a pint of 7,2% glass filled with Hell-brewed sulfur seasoned hell-beer and he said up on the Boyish-manish-boy!
Behold, this hell beer should be yours, just undress your coat and giveth it to me to behold and hold as mine...
The Boy-man dind´t reply but instead reached down his coat-pocket and pulled up a six-pack of shiny 2,8% swedish Peoples-beer and started slowly to enjoy the content of one of these watery beers...
then he said with a voice calm as calmness it self: I am not tempted, I would rather get drunk in a slow pace like a slug creeping through the forest path!
Satan the Devil, was furious, who could spurn his mighty-strong-ale?
he swallowed his one hell-beer in single mouth and started to jump up and down in fury and anger...
Then it happened Satan fell over and broke his beloved pitchfork in twain, his beloved boogie-picker, he no longer had anything he started to cry with the sound of 200 giants who got their pelvic bones crushed in a vice...
The Mighty-coated Boy-man tried to calm the poor thing, he said, but you have millions of souls to torture for eternity...
but it was impossible to comfort the crying devil in eternal agony...
So when He had finished his six-pack he started to climb the cliffs to reach the perimeter where hell ended and perhaps there would be a corner-shop because this boying-man was starting to get thirsty, I mean all those flames and sulfur and toxic fumes and stuff...
He had almost made it to the rim where what common people call Hell and terrestrial earth meet when he saw Cerberus satans three-headed king Poodle, it was snarling and foaming with all it´s three heads and it´s breath was terrible, this would have scared any mere mortal into fleeing like a scared flee...
But not the manish-Boy, he said, here is a treat for you and reached down his pocket and pulled up two trips of LSD and threw it in the right and left head of the beast the third one got envious and started to fight the other two, this made their conjoined body to loose control and the pell down in bumping in to cliffs every now and then and one of the heads had even got a bad trip and remembered when it was newly born and Satan stitched the tree pups together, ooh what a paint it could feel ever stitch...
the right head on the other hand thought it was a hummingbird and started flapping it´s paws in buzz-like manner, but since they were only paws and not feathered wings (except for in it´s fantasy) it didn´t save the unfortunate trio of conjoined poodles...
Now the Boy-Manish-boy wast truly free, but sadly there was no corner-shop next to the Hell-rim so he ordered for a swedish J.A.S jet-fighter (he had really good contacts inside the governmental building in Stockholm) when it arrived he gave the pilot a fiver to buy some sweets and flew away in it far out , way beyond the solar system, some say he went to a distant Galaxy others think he left for the star system of Omega Centauri?
Another Man, who wasn´t boyish and wasn´t charming and didn´t have a Mighty Coat but instead he had a bright puke-green complexion and didn´t like beer at all...
He heard the epic saga about the feats the Boy-man hade done and wanted to be just as good as him, he tried to replicate his deeds, but he died in a random heart-failure before he could even start to replicate his epic struggle... he died mostly because a Bisexual Lady he Fancied didn´t fancy him and som say that was the reason of his heart failure???
the Bisexual Lady later Married a man with huge sideburns and bore him 5 children in her expanding belly, four of the had inherited the sideburn genes and got really might sideburns from the age of 2-3 years old...
Somewhere on a Local space-bar close to Omega Centauri some of the local drunks are celebrating that they either are drunk or soon will be, it is a mix of pink slime dancing, zebra-dotted tentacles moving to the beat while while a green alien in a trunk is singing the latest hits from his home planet which no one except for himself have ever heard you know all the usual stuff that goes on on any local drunk pub...
all the sudden a Swedish J.A.S-plane crashes through the roof and out of the broken cockpit The Boying Man in the Mighty coat falls right down a a comfy chair in green velvet... he orders a drink and stars flirt with different aliens and different genders from different worlds, he loved the different throbbing organs, told jokes and some of the aliens where crying brown-segmented-slime through their eyestalks when the Mighty Coated Boyish-man told his jokes...
the Manish-boy was so happy and as far as I know he still parties there with his alien friends this very day...
...and dear beloved Girlfriend why am I telling you all this?
well, I wanted to prove a point...
...and the point is rather sharp if I may claim so my self...?
the point is that different flows and events which might take you somewhere or to the most amazing place and/or to Hell, but if you are good looking and charming like me you will always come out on top...
...and if I wouldn´t have stumbled in to your arms in that drunken evening then I wouldn´t be in love with you, so it was only random chance that we found each others and who know where Bib Fortuna might lead our steps in the future, but right at this very moment I seem to love you dear Dominica!
Your Beloved adorable Boyish-man(like) creature!
/ Johnny
