{1} - a photo on Flickriver

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Since I often have no words or can’t even speak, I tried to capture one aspect of how I feel due to the awful, ongoing effects of experiencing unspeakable trauma—“blocked off,” trapped, isolated, alone, “figuratively disfigured,” stuck in the dark with perhaps some distant light noticeable once in a while, awful.

After creating these self portraits I was compelled to find a way to print these photos at home so I could share them with my psychologist at my neurofeedback therapy appointment—I write out and take notes since I’m not able to talk much and felt these photos would supplement my writing and perhaps give a look into how I feel.

Once I had processed the photos and decided on a sequence for the images, I noticed they seemed to show me a progression—the first image being completely stuck in a state of panic, shut down, hardly surviving, believing I’m not allowed to and not really being able to even try to look for help or support. And in the progression I came up with, the pictures seemed to show me a story—my own story—of very slowly, over time becoming more courageous, stronger, showing more awareness, more capacity and drive to fight for survival, life, growth and healing.

Since most of our belongings are packed up and in storage I don’t have access to much and I was able to find some (very lightweight) sewing thread and a very flimsy needle my daughter had here with her and I used our low budget home printer to create this little collection of photos. Normally I wouldn’t use such low quality items for something like this. I didn’t have much to work with and I was determined to not let this completely stop me from creating. I have since made a few more little photo collections like this and this practice and process has been very helpful in my coping and healing journey. I’m so thankful I gave this a try and for how I find this process to be therapeutic and how it helps me continue to grow.

[self portraits created on 1-17-2024, photos of printed images captured on 1-18-2024]

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As a way to cope with circumstances beyond my control, survive and work to keep fighting for life I decided to try to take at least one photo (or more) each day. I call this “a photo (or more) a day.” Practicing this form of therapeutic photography helps me work to focus on the present moment, gives me something familiar and enjoyable to focus on as I use photography skills that have become like second-nature to me and being able to view the images I capture helps me recall what I was thinking, feeling and noticing at the moment when I created the photos. More of the photos from this series can be seen on my Instagram account

I may not always have the energy, time or capacity to share photos from this series—especially with the very challenging circumstances my family and I are experiencing—and will do my best to continue taking a photo (or more) a day even if I’m not able to share.

If you would like to support my work and my family, one way you can do so is by ordering my zines:
CLOUDS
in the moment | collection 1
in the moment | collection 2
Moving Forward

Many thanks for your support.

Taken on: February 8, 2024

Tags:

a photo a day

therapeutic photography

mindful

healing

growth

coping skills

trauma survivor

childhood trauma survivor

abuse survivor

complex trauma

CPTSD

anxiety

depression

Fuji X-T10

7artisans 25mm

7artisans

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hand binding

diy

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Sets appears in: • a photo (or more) a day • Therapeutic Photography

Groups appears in: • Handbound Books • handmade books more » • Bookbinding • Stamp Out Stigma • I collect light • Book Art • my head is a storm • PhotoDonuts • Fujifilm X Series • Film Look On Digital • 7Artisans 25mm f1.8 • Fujifilm X Photographer • FUJIFILM X Series & GFX USA « less

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